to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
