We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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