we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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