sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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