So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
