Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
