made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
