Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
