Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
