I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
