Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
