I intend to get homeless drunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
