he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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