All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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