You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
