dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
