My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
