she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
