My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
