last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
