he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
