So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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