this beer tastes like vomit already
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
