covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
