Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
