it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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