i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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