dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
