I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So many bounce houses so little time
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
