Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
