why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
