She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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