Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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