You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
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