it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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