My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
