I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
