I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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