This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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