this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
