I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just blew my weed a kiss
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
