Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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