I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
