I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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