how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
