So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
