i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
