Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
