Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
