Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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