I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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