my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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