I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
